Unheavenly Match
by baka-sensei299
Summary: What happens when Nel, the girl Albel claims he hates, begins to melt his heart? Will his feelings prevent his plans for ruining her? Alnel. Please Review! Updating soon!
1. The Coffee, The TV, & The Lingerie

-Konichiwa! This is my first fic so pleeeeeeeeze find it in your heart to not hate me. begins weeping uncontrollably Well anywoo, it may seem quite the opposite, but it is a Alnel fic. Please review, and no flames. Go bitch to someone else. Oh, if I don't get at least one or two reviews, I won't continue. baka-sensei

No I don't own Star Ocean. If I did, Albel would need to watch his back! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!

Nor do I own South Park or any other trademarked thingy in here.

Chapter One

The apartment was beyond icy, and with good reason. Winter had hit Aquios hard and all source of heat was 'temporarily' unavailable.

Nel was beneath enough blankets to smother her, yet she was still feeling the sting of winter's presence. Fayt, being the nice kid he was and now disregarding the UP3, had built Nel and Sophia a TV in which they could watch in the apartment they shared. Maybe she would be a little warmer if she had on more than her current lingerie, but all her clothes were being laundered.

"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!"

South Park was definately a show Nel could live with. She sipped on her tea and then watched as Chef broke into song.

Sophia came in, trembling so violently that the floor was shaking. She had a tank top and shorts on, a cup of steaming something in her hand.

"Uh, Sophia? If you're cold, I'd recommend putting on some warmer clothes."

The girl's eyes became wide and then a river of supposed gibberish flowed from her mouth. "ItsjustthecoffeeIhadnothingswrongI'mnotcoldThiscoffeestuffisgreat! Coffee. Coffee! COFFEE!"

Nel backed away slowly as the coffee-crazed girl's eyes went out of focus and the hot brown coffee began to spill everywhere.

"Sophia! How much coffee did you have!"

"Idon'tknow. Maybe94?"

"94 CUPS OF COFFEE!"

The girl looked like she was drunk on the stuff. She approached the TV, the cup still in her hands.

"Sophia? What are you doing?"

Instantly, the girl flung the coffee onto the screen and shook it. "HERE CARTMAN! SHUT YOUR FAT ASS UP AND DRINK THE FRIGGIN' COFFEE!"

"SOPHIA! NO, NOT THE TV!"

The girl picked up the entire television set and hurled it onto the floor. It began to emit a buzzing noise before exploding and sizzling.

"MY TV! MY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT! MY SOUTH PARK!"

Sophia giggled a bit before toppling backwards and knocking herself out. "Nooo Johnny Depp. I didn't do your car..."

Nel's jaw dropped. "My... TV..."

The door opened and Cliff and Fayt came in. Fayt spoke first. "Hey are you two... OH MY GOD! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!"

He ran right past Sophia and then embraced the carcass of the bringer of upmost joy, the Dead Television.

"My baby's deeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd..."

Cliff rolled his eyes at the sight. A girl was on the floor, coffee all over her and foam coming from her mouth; a boy with blue hair was lamenting over an inanimate object, and Nel was in lingerie.

"Wow..." muttered Cliff, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink.

Nel turned as red as Covergirl Crimson Kisses Lip Gloss and shattered the tea cup in her hand. "GET OUT! NOW!"

She grabbed her daggers from the window sill and charged at him. Cliff sprinted away, screaming like random girl #6 off of Halloween IV. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What are you screaming about, maggot?"

_'No. Not Albel. Please not Albel!' _ thought Nel as she stood frozen in terror. A man with black-fading-to-blond hair and long braids stepped in front of the door and took a good look, unimpressed.

"Fool, your boobs just aren't pretty enough to be flaunting. Thanks for the nightmares." Then he walked away. Nel was building up rage.

3...2...1...

"AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEELLLLLL NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOXXXXX!"

Her screams were so loud that it caused Mount Fuji to become active and erupt all the way down on Earth.

-OK, that was the first chapter. Please review. I hope you liked it.-


	2. Competition

-OK, the first chapter was too short, so I'm going to make this one longer. Okay? Okay. baka-sensei

Don't own Star Ocean. Wish it was true.

Chapter Two

Nel looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She had on her usual outfit and she concentrated on her chest.

"I _do _have good boobs, Nox. You just are too shy to say you want 'em."

"I like your boobs!"

Nel turned around to see Roger, a perverted little smirk on his face. She rolled her eyes. "Listen kid, you're half my age. It'd never work."

The little boy sighed and walked away. "Well, miss, I'll make sure to kick Albel's ass for you today. Okay?"

She giggled a bit, a little flattered that the kid would do such a thing. "That's a good way to get yourself killed, Roger."

"I'd do anything for a pretty lady."

"Oh, thank you Roger."

"Yeah, you're welcome."

She exited the bathroom and was about to thank Roger again when she saw him raiding her drawers and examining all her lingerie.

"I can imagine you in this." he said, lifting a teddy out of the drawer and holding it up.

Nel was silent. She walked over to the dresser and picked up five or six bras. With a smile on her face, she said, "You can, can you?'

"Mm-hm!"

Her cheerful face melted away and she used the bra as a slingshot. Roger gasped and got shot in the face as a warning.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Nel as poor little Roger was shot again and again before running out the door and dodging a bra that would have knocked him to the ground.

------------------------------------------

Fayt was sitting in his room, wolfing down cereal that had long become mushy. He stared into space and then took another bite of his would-be breakfast.

Cliff approached him, two cups of coffee in his hands. "Here, kid. Quit moping over the busted TV."

Fayt's eyes became wide. He took the cups of coffee and hurled them out the window. There was a crash and Cliff knew his morning beverages were dead.

"What the hell, man?"

"It wasn't just a TV. It was _my _TV that _I_ built! I used so much Fol on that and it's dead."

"But, my coffee! That was imported Kona Coffee!"

"SCREW THE FREAKIN' COFFEE!"

Fayt stood to his full height, which was still shorter than Cliff so it wasn't very intimidating. "Cliff, it's all fun and games with you. Life is just a bowl of fancily assorted cashews! No one has any things to build, or Fol to earn, or TV's to build!"

"Listen, maybe it was better if that thing was destroyed anyway. It was a violation of the UP3."

"Screw the UP3, screw the coffee, and screw your mom!"

"WHAT? WHAT THE &4--"

Meanwhile...

Albel left his room only to find Nel outside the door, her hands at her hips. She looked like she could have waited all day for him to leave his room.

"What do you want, Zelpher?"

"I'm waiting for an apology."

"Okay. I'm sorry you don't have good boobs."

He was about to walk away when she grabbed him by his braids and tugged. He squealed and then she growled, "I want a real apology."

"Where's the motivation?'

"Pretty please?"

"Where's the motivation in that?"

She rolled her eyes. "What kind of motivation do you want? I'll buy you a gumball or something."

"Kiss me and I'll say sorry."

She turned pink. "Kiss you! I mean something that won't pulverize my dignity and reputation!"

In less than a second, he had her pinned to the wall, his face so close to hers that she could feel his breath on her face. "You know you want to." he uttered.

Without even thinking, Nel quickly walked away. "Forget about the apology. It's not worth your sympathy."

Albel had expected her to grovel and then run away embarrassed. He felt guilty.

_'What am I getting worked up about? She's just Aquarian scum. Nothing else.'_

----------------------------------------------

Albel finally located Clair in the Castle's chapel. He took a seat next to her and she stopped her praying when she saw him. "Albel the Wicked in a chapel of Apris?"

"I didn't come to pray, maggot. I came to inquire about your comrade Zelpher."

"You want to know about Nel? Well, she's my best friend, recently she said she hates coffee, she enjoys dancing, doesn't like guys who don't acknowledge her, and... wait. Why am I telling you this?"

"I don't know. Why are you?"

"Because you asked me."

"You didn't have to answer. You could have just said piss off and I would've walked away without killing you."

Clair frowned at him. "Well, if you really want to know about Nel, why don't you go ask her yourself? You seem to have no problem speaking your mind."

"An Aquaian figured that out while I was unable to? Farewell, maggot."

Albel exited the castle and then began to recite what he was going to say in his mind. _'Zelpher, you're a stubborn Aquarian fool and I'd like you to know that I like you. Would you like to partake in a social activity?' _Nope. Too formal. Besides, why would he be the one to declare his feelings? He'd have her obsessing over him in no time, and then she would say, "I finally have the courage to tell you Albel! I love you! You're so sexy with that skirt and that arm!"

He laughed at how easily she would be wooed by him and then he caught sight of her striking red hair around the corner of a building. He was about to turn the corner when he saw Nel with another guy. A good looking guy. Whom she seemed very taken with. It was obvious by the way she had her arms around him.

-----------------

That's the end of Chapter Two. Albel now has some competition with an OC. Thankies for the reviews and I'll update ASAP! baka-sensei299


	3. Advice and Selfish Plans

-------I am working vigorously on this fic and an outside story all my own! MWA HA HA HA HA! It's about a girl in our time who meets a weird guy claiming to be her older brother. They go to... OK that's enough. There are crazy people out there who'll steal the idea and get credit for it. I'll be homicidal! baka-sensei299

Chapter Three

Albel watched as Nel broke the embrace and smiled at the guy. He turned and walked away as if nothing was bothering him at all. Until he got to his room.

"NOW MY CHANCES TO SEE HER MAKE AN IDIOT OF HERSELF ARE GONE!"

The door opened and Peppita came in. Objects were everywhere, and, in fact, everything that had been on the wall was shattered and on the ground, while everything that had been standing was torn apart and on the floor.

"Is somebody angry?"questioned Peppita. She would regret even entering.

"YES! SOMEBODY IS ANGRY!" Albel was facing her and she smiled.

"Guess what? I got this thing called a romance novel! Wanna read it?"

Albel snatched it away and ripped off the spine, letting all 187 pages fall to the ground. Peppita looked up at him.

"Does this mean you don't like it?"

Albel grabbed the girl by her pigtails and tossed her out the door. It was too bad that a flight of stairs was right next to his room.

Down she went.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN!"

Albel didn't do his usual diobolical grin when he heard someone suffering. He didn't really love Nel, all he wanted to do was have his fun. No romance, just the chance to have his fun. An 'I love you Albel' just before he let her drop. Imagining her weep over him would be great. A Kodak moment.

He didn't exactly hate her, but then he didn't like her either. Hell, it was better than nothing.

That dude ruined his fun. Sure, he had silky auburn hair, stunning hazel eyes, the perfect body, two arms intact. And no skirt. Pants. Yeah, normal pants.

"What's so cool about that maggot anyway. This entire scheme was a waste of my time." he muttered.

Yet Albel couldn't help but glance out the window at the two. Nel was out in the snow, her revealing little outfit on. Wasn't she cold?

_'Revealing little outfit...' _

The words echoed in Albel's head.

"Shut up!"

_'Revealing little outfit...Revealing little outfit...Revealing little outfit...Revealing little outfit...'_

No. What did he care about her sexy little attire that showed off her tone legs?

"No! It's not sexy and her legs are like shoe-string potatoes."

Nope. He couldn't seem to fight the fact that Nel Zelpher, his ex-archenemy, was indeed very sexy.

---------------------------------

"Fayt, I need love advice."

"WHAT!"

Fayt dropped the book he had been reading and stared into the face of Albel. "How about a 'Hi! How are you?'"

"You know I don't speak to maggots that way. I just need some advice."

"Well, what am I supposed to tell you?"

"Something good before I kick you where it hurts, fool."

Fayt cringed at the thought of being kicked... there. He still needed it someday! "Um... how about poetry?"

"I don't do poetry, maggot."

"Roses?"

"The last thing I need is thorns in my eyes when she throws them in my face."

Fayt grinned. "Oooohh. Who is this girl of whom you speak?"

Albel turned red. "Someone. That's all you need to know."

Fayt frowned when he refused to tell him who the girl was. Was it Mirage? Sophia? Not Maria! Nooooo! Wait a second...

"Is it Nel?"

Albel clenched his metal claws threateningly. "I asked for advice. I didn't need you to inquire about whom the female is in this situation."

_'Actually, I couldn't care less about her. I just have another plan. MWA HA HA HA HA HA!'_

Fayt handed him two slips of paper. Albel looked at them. "What's this, maggot?" The blue-haired boy rolled his eyes.

"It's admission for a dance this weekend. Bring the girl with you."

"I don't dance."

"Too bad for you then. You can forget getting laid."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

Fayt ran from the room as fast as he could, even though it was _his _room. Albel still had a plan, and it had to do with a certain potion he had swiped from Peterny. This would definately be fun.

------------------------------

OK, that's Chapter Three! Albel might actually begin to truely care for Nel when he finds something of hers in Chapter Four. You're just gonna have to wait until then ,which shouldn't be long. Oh, I don't know whether to rate this as M and include Lemon in the future chapters:3 Let me know what you think in the reviews! Bye-bye fu! baka-sensei299


	4. Something So Shocking

It's Chapter Four! Yipee! In this Albel discovers something shocking! Very very shocking.

Sorry I haven't updated in like 3 or 4 days. School's interfering with my writing and computer time.

Yeah, I know that there's OOCness, but it would be difficult and unusual for the 'emotionless Albel Nox' to go to all this trouble when he makes it clear that he doesn't care.

Chapter Four

Albel saw that guy Nel was with. She headed upstairs to her room and then called down to him, "Good night, Ateka!"

_So, Ateka. What a weird name. Now to see if I can find out anything about Zelpher and what that guy is to her. _thought Albel. He snuck up the stairs after Nel, stealthfully darting to the shadows.

Nel began to sprint up the stairway, and Albel wondered if she had become suspicious. Nope, it was only Clair.

"Hey, Clair."

"Nel, did you know that Albel Nox was asking about you in the chapel this morning?"

"Was he?" commented Nel, her cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

Albel couldn't see this, and right now he was hiding behind an unusually large vase. Nel bid Clair good night and then went to her room. Clair went downstairs, right past Albel. He sighed in relief when she didn't notice him.

_Now to follow Zelpher..._

As Nel entered her room, Albel remained at the end of the hallway until the opportune moment. Then he did the same as her and entered her room.

Nel was in the bathing room. He heard water being poured into the tub, and he figured it was safe to look through her room.

He searched her drawers first. It was all clothes, nothing else.

_Come on. Females keep diaries. There's got to be a diary somewhere._

He opened the next drawer, but then slammed it shut almost instantly. His face was as flushed, and he felt the strong urge to open the drawer again.

It had been the lingerie drawer. He reached for the handles and began to pull the out the drawer when his reasoning stopped him.

_No. I wasn't interested in her with lingerie that day, and I am certainly not interested in it now._

Without thinking, he pulled the drawer open swiftly and yanked out something before closing it and shoving the whatever-it-was down the side of his skirt to make up for pockets. Then he began to think back.

_Wait. Shouldn't diaries be hidden in places like that?_

He reopened the dresser and then searched through the rows of lacy underwear and skimpy outfits to find a small book.

An insane grin stretched across his face. _I am the essence of brilliant._ He opened it up and then skimmed through to see if anything of interest was there.

He stopped looking and then his smile disappeared. It was an entry on him.

It read:

_That Albel Nox! This morning, he said I had no right to be flaunting myself with nightwear. Like it's any of his business. Sure, I'm nice to him. Shouldn't he be obligated to return the favor?_

_I'd like to say that I would be more than happy to... date him if he was ever considerate enough to ask._

As he read, Albel began to feel more and more guilty. Yes, Nel was always kind to him, and what did he do? Harrassment.

_Ooooh. Albel looked so handsome today. I mean, he looks the same everyday, but on this most wonderful of days, the sunlight shined on him at a forty-five degree angle and I noticed how hot he is!_

Behind him, the door creaked open and out came Nel with a bath robe on.

She collapsed on her bed, with no Albel in sight.

-------------------------------------

The next morning...

Fayt, Sophia, Cliff, Maria, Peppita, Roger and Mirage were all at breakfast. Fayt was flirting away with Maria, the same with Cliff and Mirage, while Sophia was having a conversation with Peppita and Roger.

Albel came to the table, and no one even looked up. Usually they didn't need to because he would throw insults the second he made eye contact.

Not today.

"Good morning." he said. No attitude, no sarcasm. Just a warm and friendly greeting.

Everyone at the table gasped and became silent.

"Did Albel the Wicked just say... good morning?" asked Maria.

His eyes turned cold almost instantly. "Fine. I won't greet you maggots. I say something nice, and nooooo. Burn. Everyone burn."

Nel descended down the stairs to the kitchen, everyone looking up and telling her good morning. At that second, Albel darted out of sight and into the kitchen. Quickly, he grabbed the nearest person in sight and then grasped them threateningly.

It was a little boy who was trying to sneak food from storage.

"Listen, fool, because I'm only going to say this once. Take this ticket," he thrust a piece of paper into the boy's hand, "and give it to Nel Zelpher."

The poor little boy gazed up at him with tears in his eyes. "Who's Nel Zepher, sir?" His voice was cracking and was it was way too early for him to be freaked out like this.

"That beautiful girl... er... woman with the red hair. She's in the dining room."

He dropped the kid, but then took his arm. The boy looked over at him and then stared into crimson eyes of wrath.

"If you tell anyone of this situation, I will make sure that every waking moment of your life becomes a swirling vortex of pain and misery! Understand, worm?"

The kid's pupils diluted before running to Nel and giving her the ticket. She glanced at it, and then turned to him for an explanation.

"A-A-Albel Nox wishes t-to invite you to the d-d-dance this w-weekend."

"Er... okay. Are you alright?"

"Yeah." his face blank and his voice ghastly. "I'll be fine."

Nel looked at the ticket and turned as red as her hair. "Albel's actually asking me out?"

Mirage laughed. "Awwww... how cute! It's gonna be a happy ending for you after all!" She turned to Cliff and then became serious, her hand out.

In a whispered voice, she said, "Hand over the 10,000 Fol, Cliff. You lost the bet."

--------------------------

Albel saw Ateka walking down the street, snow on his shoulders. Albel grinned wickedly and then drank the stolen morphing potion from Peterny. In a few seconds, he had turned into Nel.

He jumped out and Ateka jumped in surprise. "Whoa. Nel, honey. You scared me."

Albel was confused. _Sounds awfully feminine to be a guy. Now how does Zelpher walk? _Making the best impression of Nel that he could, he marched up to Ateka, swiveling his hips and flipping his hair.

"Sweetie, are you okay? You're walking very strangely today."

_Anything to turn you off of Nel. _Albel walked forward and then grabbed Ateka's shoulders. In the most Nel-like voice, he said, "Honey, you are a great friend, and I want to keep you only as a friend. Not a lover."

"What? Nel-"

"No, Ateka. Don't say another word. I'm sure you'll find a woman just for you one day." Inside, Albel was howling with laughter. This was the most sappy stuff he'd ever heard! Like a soap opera he was staring in.

"Nel, sweetie, I never wanted you as a lover. Just as a friend. I thought I told you I was... gay."

The laughter in Albel stopped. "What?"

"I'm gay, honey."

_WHAT? I WAS PUT THOUGH ALL OF THIS JUST TO TRY AND SEPERATE A HOMO FROM HIS FRIEND? I'M SO STUPID!_

"Well, Nel, I hate to leave you but I've got a date. Catch ya later!"

Albel sighed. He had wasted so much time trying to tear them apart when he could have been romancing Nel. Just as he was about to punch himself, a grin appeared on his face.

_I can look at myself naked!_

He began to pull down the top of Nel's outfit, and just as he was about to see something verrrrrrry interesting, he reverted back to his normal body.

He punched himself.


End file.
